Anatomy of an Estimate

Just because I find this all so perversely humorous, let's examine the "estimate" given to me by the vet (ahem, Veterinary Hospital, thank you very much).  Then I will get it out of my system and call them to negotiate.

Every aspect of this estimate gets a Low Amount and a High Amount.  But it could go higher.  It won't go lower.

Oral Treatment Level 1
$344.50 (can you imagine a Level 3?)
This includes:  examination, hospitalization, pre-anesthetic blood work to assure organ health, sedation and in-hospital pain control, intravenous catheter placement and fluid therapy, anesthesia and anesthesia monitoring, whole mouth digital x-rays to look for invisible disease under the gum line, digital photography, complete oral exam under general anesthesia which includes removal of plaque and tartar, ultrasonic scaling, sub-gingival scraping (root planing), polishing and application of Oravet, nursing care, charting and record keeping, recheck appointment 10-14 days after procedure to discuss follow-up home care.  Pain medication, antibiotics gift-wrapping and sealants to go home are additional.

There are plenty of disclaimers, which lead me to believe there will definitely be a High Amount.

Dental Nerve Block
$25.25 (both Low and High) is that per nerve?

Gas Anesthesia
Low $225
High $337.50 high is right!

Oral Surgery (per minute) per MINUTE?
Low (60 mins) $240
High (90 mins) $360
Note:  These are canines, notorious for long, difficult roots.  Let's just say "Ultra High" at 2 hours

Small Animal Medication
Low $25
High $50

Then there is the disclaimer, and the promise to pay the full amount at discharge.  Or else, what?  They keep your cat?  Claim your firstborn?  Have you thrown in jail?  I used to love this veterinary practice and have been going for years.  It's not close and it's not convenient.  But they have grown into an institution and I am no longer feeling the love.  They make you feel incredibly guilty because YOU have caused this problem through your utter neglect.  Never mind that this particular cat, although sweet-natured, is close to 20 pounds of muscle and nerve.  He hates to be confined, held too long, fiddled with, examined, captured, caged, driven, poked, and prodded.  If they think I will rassle him to the ground every other day to examine his teeth, they are sorely mistaken.  I do the best I can.  I am cursed with cats with bad dental health.

My approach is going to be:  How much is it for you to extract his two canines?  I want no polishing, scraping, planing, bows, glitter or whatever.  Then, after a reasonable amount of time - when he's had the space to forget the horrors of the Veterinary Hospital and I've had the time to regroup (again) my finances - we will have the Oral Treatment Level 1.

I'll probably have to sign something that states that I am a neglectful and evil cat mother.  Sigh.